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Lunatics · Have · Taken · Over · the · Assylum


We all deserve a life in hell

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i dont understand
i want it to stoppppppp
i keep going into these fits of laughter
and then i start crying and i cant breathe
then i go numb

and then it all starts over again!

just fucking choke me now.

for christs sake i dont know what to do

i literally have no idea

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Singing in a moving car, singing to keep from crying, singing to keep from screaming, singing to keep from passing out or throwing yourself on the ground & asking god to take you, your finished.
Its when singing only makes your throat bleed, and when smiling only hurts your face. When laughing becomes silence, and silence is too loud.

I lied so bad when i said i was happy, before.
I thought i was,
it was just another one of my bullshit emotions.
Its all fake, im so fucking fake.

All of this is just piling up, burying me 
in my own bullshit.
Im sick of the ones i used to love
Im sick of the ones i dont love & never did
Im sick of trying to throw everyone away
in order to save myself
Im sick of saying what im sick of.

I say it so many times a day
I cant hear myself anymore, its all white noise
Nothing is clear, & nothing means anything.
Everyone means everything
But i hate it.

I cant bring myself to tears
althuogh i want to.
the speed of pain
the times you want it
it never seems to last
the times you hate it
it always seems to last.

these marilyn songs
are keeping me from drowning.
in.my.own.bull.shit.

i just want ONE person.
just one.
why it seems people 
cant grasp the concept of
just NOT walking away.

i dont get it.



fuck. x

Current Mood:
sick
Current Music:
Last Day on Earth - Marilyn Manson
* * *
Ive let go of so much stuff in the past week.
Some of those things i didnt want to let go....
But i really have no idea why im no longer friends with my
"best friend forever"
I realize, that im not going to plant my life around people anymore
Forever IS real, & im not going to let anyone make me doubt that 
ever again.
People are the reason things dont work out.
Petty differences & such.
Im not ready for anymore "best friends" for a while.
Its a bit pointless at this point.

Other things have happened to me 
in the past few days,
that made me feel so good
just to let it out.
& now i see
that i was INDEED CORRECT in my assumption
of someone : )
Which is good.
Things are pretty good.
Still boring as fuck
but that'll change over summer,
or when i start school..
I dont know something good's going to happen eventually
I have gained a good chunk of optimism from these "experiences" 
& im glad im sick of having negative views on everything without atleast having a taste of something good that could possibly turn out of it.

I believe in soul mates, they could be friends
or significant others.
& i'll find both of them.
eventually.
Because i have seen fate 
play itself out.
& i dont want to be brought down from where i am
not by anyone,
or anything.

I mean,
i dont cry everynight anymore
I dont want to cry when i look at the sky
or watch my old favorite tv shows.
I can stay up longer without needing so much sleep
I have less concerns...
Yeah, im failing school. Horribly.
But to me it doesnt matter! HAha
whatever happens with school, is going to happen no matter what
I know im pretty smart, atleast enough to get by
one shitty year wont kill me.

Im happy for now. <3
Current Mood:
calm
Current Music:
Audio Blood - The Matches
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I ONLY USE TO THIS JOURNAL TO WHINE, COMPLAIN, BITCH, & MOAN. & TO POST MEME'S OR SURVEYS. NO, I DONT POST ICONS, NO I DONT USE CHAT SPEAK, NO I WONT GIVE YOU MY EMAIL, AIM, MSN, OR CELL NUMBER. 

-FANTASIA-

THANKYOU.

~ * ~

FRIENDS ONLY JOURNAL

Tags:
Current Location:
My Sanctuary
Current Mood:
sad
Current Music:
The Cruxshadows
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